~It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
"Please let me in", says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one".
"Okay", says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left". He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
"That one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes, and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
"Oh, no", says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

~Charles: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Mary: I haven’t a clue.
Charles: Peach gobbler!

~A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
“No, ma’am. They’re dead.”

~Luke: What did the turkey say to the computer?
Will: What?
Luke: “Google, google, google.”

~Leighton: What sound does a limping turkey make?
Zach: I give up!
Leighton: “Wobble, wobble!”

~A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”